My world had already collapsed by the time I managed to reach my village, Bariarpur Purvi, under Khodawan-d-pur block in Begusarai, Bihar. My only son, the apple of my eye, had died from illness, while I, the hapless father, was stran-ded during the first lockdown in the searing Delhi heat of May 2020.

I was one of the countless migrant workers from Bihar in the nation’s capital, working for Rs 250 a day at construction sites and living on rent in Najafgarh. Two months into the lockd-o--wn, with resources running low, I was exploring ways of making my way back home like so many others, when I got the fateful call from my wife Bimal, telling me in a desperate voice that our one-and-a-half-year old son was seriously ill.

I wanted to return home as soon as possible so that I could get my son treated. But there was no public transport. Lakhs of people like me had walked or cycled to reach home. I tho-ught if they could do it, why can’t I?

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On the humid morning of May 11, I left Naja-f-garh and started walking back to my village. I rea-ched Nizamuddin bridge by noon, but found there was a huge police force deployed out the-re. They were charging the desperate and fearful crowd with batons to prevent them from ven-turing out on the highways on their way home to their villages.

Unsure and restless, I was trying to figure out what to do when I again got a call from my wife. She was crying. She said the child’s health had deteriorated and he could die. She asked me if I was returning home or not. Her wails shook me to the core. There I sat on the road, crying, as I spoke with my wife on the phone.

A photographer passing by saw me and took my photo. After a while, he turned back, appr-o-ached me and asked where I wanted to go. I told him I wanted to cross the bridge, but the police were not allowing me to do so. He gave me a lift in his car. He also gave me biscuits and water. After crossing the bridge in his car, I started walking again and reached Ghazipur flyover.

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Rampukar Pandit at home with his wife and daughters. Photograph by Sarvesh Kashyaph

That’s where I met Salma Didi. She came to my life like an angel and helped me in every possible way in my attempt to reach home. I narrated my story to her. She listened patiently and then told me to hide behind a pillar of the flyover. That’s what I did, and spent the next two days there. Salma Didi would bring me food and supplies in her car. On the third day, i.e., May 13, Salma Didi booked me a train ticket and gave me Rs 5,500 in cash. I managed to reach Niz-amuddin railway station and boarded the train.

I don’t know what I would have done had I not met Salma Didi. Perhaps I wouldn’t have made it back from Delhi. Perhaps I’d have gone mad. I may be poor, but I’m not ungrateful. I’ll always rem-ember her for helping me. As a memento, I’ve held on to and laminated a Rs 100 note from the cash she had given me, as well as her visiting card and the railway ticket she had bought for me.

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But, to get back to my story, reaching Begu-sa-rai was not easy. Everywhere, police were lathi--charging people for coming out on the roads. But what could people like us do? We are daily wagers. With no work due to the Covid lockdo-wn, earnings exhausted, migrant working class people like me had started walking on foot, defying government orders. Even I had embar-ked upon this perilous journey upon hearing the news of my son.

But it was to no avail. By the time I reached my village, my son had died and had been crem-ated. Had I lived and worked in the village, I cou-ld have tried to seek better medicare by taking a loan. My wife did whatever she could, but perhaps it was written in fate.

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Defeated man Rampukar Pandit now

That’s when Bimal—devastated by the tragedy—told me for the first time not to return to Delhi, ever. Over the next few days, she kept on insisting that I should do whatever I could back home, but never again migrate for work. Her words resonate in my ears: “Don’t go. We’ll together work on whatever job we get. We’ll starve if necessary, but I won’t allow you to go to other states.”

I didn’t know what to say, and just nodded in submission.

But the decision not to migrate turned out to be suicidal. Since I returned from Delhi during the Covid lockdown in May last year, I have got only 20 days of work.

The initial days after my return were quite busy. Since my photo had gone viral, everyone—from political parties to social workers—started visiting me. Help was pouring in. Money, foodgrains and job assuran-ces were given. The way I was being treated, I started believing I’d soon land a job. In the mean time, while addressing migrant workers at different quarantine centres, Chief Minister Nitish Kumar had promised he’d arrange jobs for them in the state.

But soon I realised I was living in a fool’s paradise. As soon as lockdowns were eased, people stopped looking for me. Let alone promises made by the government, even Opposition politicians who had spoken to me via video conferencing during the lockdowns, stopped rec-og-nising me.

The death of our only son left my wife broken. She suffers from low blood pressure, while I have hypertension. She believes if I had been home, our son could have been saved. She also feels if I leave for work, such tragedies would be repeated.

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Our family is paying a big price for not migrating to another state. I don’t have a permanent job. Almost every day, I wander here and there in search of work, but there is none. Sometimes, a whole month passes without any work.

I have a small handicap in my feet, so I can’t even go back to our family profession of pottery, for which I would need to spin the potter’s whe-el with my feet. I have no agricultural land. If I had any, I probably would have survived by growing something.

I’m uneducated, but I don’t want to eat without doing any work. I am ready to do anything, no conditions—I can carry soil, bricks and sand, I can work the fields, do house cleaning. All I want is to be able to work near my home. This is what I tell people when I visit their homes in search of work.

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The last year-and-a-half was full of struggles for me and my wife. Yes, there is a ration card, against which I get 10 kg flour and 15 kg rice a month. This helps a lot in running the family. My mother-in-law gets old-age pension and some foodgrains and vegetables every month. She gives everything to us.

Normally, my wife would be looking after our children, but since I’m not migrating, she has volunteered to work with me. So we work toge-ther, but opportunities are few.

When we get work, we send our other child-ren to the mother-in-law. Leaving three dau-g-hters alone at home is risky.

Two of them are studying in a government sch-ool. I have arranged tuition for them and pay Rs 300 every month. I realised education is a must, so despite such hardships, we’re sending our daughters to school.

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I can also see that all the poverty alleviation schemes are not working on the ground. If they were functioning, I’d have got some work under these. Instead, I’ve so far only got 10 days of MN-REGA work. Even then, some of the money is yet to be paid.

It has been a year since I have not bought new clothes for my wife and daughters. My wife has just one new sari which I gave her during Chh-ath Puja. After Chhath, she packed it up for use during some other auspicious occasion.

Villagers are generous. They know of our fina-ncial constraints and sometimes give away their old clothes, which is what we’re wearing nowad-ays. Sometimes, they give away vegetables as well.

I don’t know how long life will last like this. My wife and I often think about our future and that of our children. There doesn’t seem to be any way out.

I don’t see a silver lining. But it’s certain I won’t leave Bihar at any cost. If I don’t get work, I will sit at home. If there is no food, we’ll stay hungry. If we don’t even have water, we’ll die of thirst.

But I’ll not leave my village again.

(This appeared in the print edition as "Remember His Face?")

(As told to Umesh Kumar Ray)

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